Since Tom Ford rebranded the cheapest perfume formula into the fragrance for people into water sports, the industry has spiralled into launching Eaux de Colognes. 

 

Guerlain and Dior, shame on you 

 eau de cologne dior eau sauvage  
shalimer cologne guerlain 

Make it stop.

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Versace's latest scent is definitely not something we made up:(.

(Why not travel to Dubai to buy it?)

 

 

Le Beau Male de Gaultier

Gaultier are set to launch the next flanker of their blockbuster fragrance Le Male in the coming months.

It’s probably a relief for the marketing team that this time they haven’t called it “Terrible”. They might even, y’know, sell some.

Basenotes reports that it is inspired by the notes of the original, and is signed by ScentBitch’s favourite snarky perfumer: Francis Kurkdjian.

dior hypnotic poison eau for gods sakeNot being satisfied with ruining the original, Dior have launched yet another flanker.

According to Fragrantica this version “refrains from vulgarity”.

Notes include Sicilian mandarin, orange, Calabrian bergamot, Sambac jasmine accord, Tunisian neroli, vanilla.

Scentbitch counts this as the fourth iteration of Hypnotic Poison, itself a flanker to Poison. We just wish they’d bring back Tendre Poison in all it’s former glory.

Speaking of all this flankering, when did Dior last launch a new pillar fragrance? 2008 with Escale a Portofino? Was that even a pillar? We just don’t know any more.

Bois de Oud by GivenchyWe’re not claiming to be fluent in French, but shouldn’t it be Bois d’Oud?

Also, nice use of a “gold” bottle. LVMH have been really subtle in targeting the Middle Eastern market with this one.

jour d hermes

Hermes have launched Jour d’Hermes in their boutiques, with a wider launch expected in February.

Jean-Claude Ellena, the in house perfumer and perfumista favourite, is behind it.

No note listing has been released for the fragrance as yet. How are the cognoscenti ever going to decide if they should sniff it if it doesn’t have some arbitrary names of flowers spoon-fed to them? How will bloggers cope, without name-checking all the notes in the press release?

Here’s our based-on-nothing notes listing for the scent. Feel free to use it in your review:

Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Indigo, Violet, Oud, Inevitable.

(Marketers know how much you love to gripe about a new Oud)

Pizza Hut Perfume

We’re just gonna rub Dominos all over our wrists instead.

Add ham & pineapple note for instant Aventus style panty dropping.

(we stole the image from Pizza Hut Canada’s Facebook.)

Hugo Boss Red for Men

Hugo Boss are set to launch Hugo Red for Men – a flanker of the original Hugo by Dave Apel (which was alright) and Hugo Night (which is awful) – which will be fronted by serious musician, and ridiculously handsome man who doesn’t want people to think he’s attractive, Jared Leto.

Hugo Red is said to contain both a hot metal and a cold metal accord, leaving what we can presume is the scent of room temperature metal.

We’re sure it won’t be particularly metallic as anything interesting will have been erased by the focus group testing.

Noir craze reaches it's apex with Tom Ford's next launch

Estée Lauder’s “British division”, Jo Malone, are launching a limited edition range called Sugar & Spice. The fragrances, by Christine Nagel, are all based on British cakes. The range is being advertised with this image:

SHE’S NEVER EATEN A FUCKING CAKE IN HER LIFE!