– Hi I am a perfume review and these are the notes so this is what I can smell and it unfolds in this exact manner as detailed by the marketing department.

– If I just slip in this aromachemical name I will make it seem like I’m very knowledgeable.

– Cue some ridiculously over the top prose to describe what is essentially a very straightforward Light Blue clone, but is from a niche house so is immediately deserving of higher praise than D&G.

– Blame body chemistry for not liking how something smells, because other bloggers have heaped praise on it and you don’t get it so obviously something is wrong with you/your skin.

– Mention the perfumer. Or “perfumer”. Especially if not familiar with what they normally do.